Message received. Loud and Clear.

I think I’ve finally, FINALLY learned the lesson that the universe has been trying to teach me: DON’T DATE CONFUSED MEN IN THEIR TWENTIES.  I also reconfirmed an old lesson that I sometimes doubt: TRUST YOUR GUT. 

If a confused twenty-something male doesn’t know what he wants out of life, then he definitely won’t know what he wants out of you.  If you happen to be an unconfused woman that has a handle on life, you will terrify these men.  I’ve been through it several times now, and I get it.  They’re instinctively drawn to you, but they don’t know what to do with you.  When or if they ever figure it out, it will most likely be too late, because you will be so sick of their bullshit and antics that you can barely stand to look at them.

If a confused twenty-something male treats you well, seeks out your company, and generally seems to enjoy your presence in his life, but then suddenly does a 180 and wants to end your relationship, there’s probably something going on that you don’t know about.  A little voice in the back of your head will indicate this to you.  You’ll brush it off and overthink the situation for a day or two, but that little voice won’t go away.  Listen to that little voice.  Thus far, my little voice has never been wrong.  Not once. 

For someone that generally learns quickly, these lessons have taken a while to sink in, but I think I finally understand: demand everything, settle for nothing, and listen to that little voice when it says “This isn’t going to end well.  Don’t even bother.”


Posted by Dr. Sweatpants

The Other Girl Code

I have two girl friends that have been in tumultuous relationships for several years. Section 2.1c of the Girl Code forbids me from telling them what I really think of the douche bags their dating. I’m also forbidden to tell them that they might be partly to blame for the dysfunction in their relationships. This is because of Section 1.6e of The Girl Code that states that “all men are douche bags and everything is their fault”. The Guy Code is a bit different. A guy can say, “Dude, she’s a bitch.” To which his friend will respond, “I know. I’m still going to sleep with her anyway.” Then they high five and continue with their basketball game, never speaking of said bitch again until, perhaps, the bachelor party. The Girl Code was written under the pretense that women are emotional psychopaths. If our friends tell us the truth, we feel judged, and are hurt. As friends, we fear the hurt will turn to anger, and that she and the douche bag will barricade themselves inside their dysfunctional relationship without us being able keeping a watchful eye on things, meanwhile judging us the whole time. We put lipstick on over gritted smiles, so that the world will not judge us for our pain and mistakes. We rely on our girl friends to protect that pain, and to tell us that we are still OK. If they acknowledge we’ve made a mistake, we’re exposed, and the expectation to DO something about it becomes the elephant in the room. We don’t respond well to criticism.

Recently, I broke the Girl Code with both of my friends. I told them both what I really think of the guys they are with. I also told them what I really think of their behavior within their relationships. This breaks another Girl Code rule which requires us to only give each other compliments and adoration. The dress looks amazing on you! Of course that number doesn’t make you a slut.  I looked them both straight in the eye and told them the truth. I think we were all a little stunned, but once I got it over with, I couldn’t stop. I spilled everything I had been holding back for so long. And then I told them that they deserve to be happy, and that they deserve to be loved. I told them that what they have is not love. Love doesn’t mean an absence of pain or conflict, but it does mean respect, honesty and loyalty.

I encourage other women to break the Girl Code. In fact, let’s write a new one, because true friendship goes beyond being polite. If you have a friend in need, lend her your shoulder to cry on, and then tell her the truth. Encourage her to find the strength to see through the fog. Help her find the self worth that makes her feel like a million bucks.

If your friend breaks the Code for you, don’t take offense, take it as a sign that she really values you and your friendship. 


Posted by Mrs. Sweatpants