I’ve been meaning to write a post about The Sex High, that euphoric state of mind where you don’t need food or sleep or internet. You subsist on sex alone, and somehow don’t collapse from exhaustion even though your combined sleep for 3 nights running is less than 8 hours, and the only thing you’ve eaten all weekend is toast and Luna bars. As exhausting as it is, I do relish a good Sex High, especially when it’s with someone that I really like.
I don’t usually let myself admit that I really like someone, at least not in the beginning. I tend to have a pretty thick emotional shell. A man has to work pretty hard to get in. I’m a bit of a control freak when it comes to my emotions, and I really dislike it when they are affected by someone else. Thus, I make a point of keeping men at arms length, even when I really like them, until I am certain that they pretty much can’t live without me.
A few weeks ago, I decided to throw caution to the wind. I met a man who I had a lot in common with. Not your typical things like pizza and booze, but unusual things like reading and science and thinking. I had no idea where things were headed, but I decided just to enjoy it for once. Don’t over think it, don’t worry, just do what feels good. Spend time with him, open up, let it all hang out. Now I’m questioning this decision.
This man that I’ve gotten myself involved with has decided that he is most likely leaving Portland this summer. He told me, which is respectable, but I still feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. Given that I am an emotional control freak, I would not have gotten so entangled with another person, if I knew they were leaving permanently in a few short months. But now it’s too late. I already know that I like him. I’ve admitted this to myself, my friends, my mom, and even him. For me, there’s no going back at this point.
The way I see it, I have two options: 1) Cut my losses and get the fuck out, OR 2) Keep on going and see what happens. Either way, I’m going to be sad. I suppose it’s a matter of how sad I want to be. If I were to follow a practical course of action, I’d run screaming in the other direction. Twenty-six, doesn’t know what he wants, clearly afraid of commitment. Why would I do this to myself? On the other hand, respectful, honest, and hands down the best conversation I’ve ever had with a man. Why would I NOT see where this goes?
Overall, I think I’m just disappointed that this situation suddenly has an expiration date. I’m forced to think about the end, when I was just getting excited about the beginning. I don’t usually find myself in traditional situations, but I was kinda hoping that this one could be semi-normal. Meet someone, date them, see where it goes… endless possibilities. Alas, it appears that semi-normal isn’t going to happen. Onward with the adventure, I suppose…
Posted by Dr. Sweatpants
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