Lady Losing Track of Time

This lady has been spending too much time in her sweatpants.  Between having no full-time job and traveling around the Midwest, I can barely tell you what day it is.  I’ve decided that this isn’t a hat I wear particularly well for long periods of time.

When I first became a freelancer/unemployed, I made an effort to keep normal hours.  After moving to a new apartment and the Thanksgiving holiday, I kinda started to sleep a little later than usual.  After I (finally) started to get job interviews, I decided I should “enjoy” not having to report to an office or a boss, because this would probably be my last opportunity to do so.

Unfortunately, I lapsed into a calendar-less coma pretty quickly. It happened more than once that the weekend was upon me, and I didn’t even notice or care.  This was troublesome to me, because I’ve spent the last 10 years looking forward to the weekend.  It was always my free time to do what I wanted, run errands, see friends, work on personal projects, etc.  How did I not notice or care that it had arrived?

I’m not usually one for New Year’s Resolutions, but since the timing is right, my resolution is to get back on a normal schedule in the New Year.  I’m going to set up an “office” in a coffee shop and make a point of wearing actual pants every day.


Posted by Dr. Sweatpants

Good Intentions Gone Awry

I set out with good intentions this weekend.  I wasn’t going to sleep with him.  He was leaving for several weeks starting Monday.  After that, he might be moving across the country.  Nope, I wasn’t going to sleep with him.  We’d only been on two dates.  I didn’t need another one night stand.  If he was leaving, then I was holding out until he got back. 

Or so I thought.

As we were sitting in the bar at last call on Friday night, I was telling myself that I needed to call a cab.  As we were walking back to his house, I was telling myself that I would call a cab and then make out on the couch for a few minutes until my cab came.  As we were making out on the couch, I told myself I would stop in a few minutes and call that cab.  As we were heading upstairs, I was thinking that I was pretty pleased by what I had felt through his jeans.  Suffice to say, the cab company did not get my business that night. 

Fortunately, it wasn’t just a one night stand.  It was a weekend fling.  A very fun and, as it turns out, much-needed fling.  Now, he’s on his way home for the holidays, I’m getting ready to leave in a week, and we’re both left with some steamy memories.

So, what happened to my resolve?  Why did I sleep with him?

Did I do it because I was drunk?  No.  I had a few drinks, but I was completely coherent.  I knew exactly what I was doing, and I remember everything about the evening.

Do I have an uncontrollable sex drive?  Not really.  I think I have pretty impeccable self-control given all the assholes I haven’t punched in the face.

Did I do it for attention?  Not likely.  I don’t need to be the center of attention, and the male attention I already receive is more than enough to satisfy my needs.

Did I do it to help myself move on from my last relationship?  Maybe.  I was trying to be “good” and “do things right”, but the timing wasn’t quite right for either him or me, so maybe we crossed paths for a reason?  Perhaps we were supposed to enjoy each other’s company while it lasted and move on.

Did I do it because I was caught up in the moment?  Probably.  It was passionate and new and exciting, and I had spent enough time with him to know that I liked several things about him.

Did I do it because I simply wanted to?  I think I have to fess up and say yes to this one.  I didn’t follow society’s rules or even the rules I set for myself.  I just felt like it, so I did it, and I don’t regret it.  Self-indulgent?  Maybe.  But I’m ok with that.

Posted by Dr. Sweatpants

Loving the Body

I've hated my body since puberty reared its ugly head circa 1993. That's almost 18 years of self loathing. My mantra has always been negative. I'm too tall, my boobs too saggy, my stomach has never been flat, my hair is frizzy, my nose too big, and the circles under my eyes grow darker every day. My face is covered in freckles, my feet make shoes look too big. My upper arms and thighs are too jiggly, and my eyebrows disappear in photos. I have horse teeth, and no hips or butt to hold up my pants.

This evening, I took a bath. Normally I overdo it on the bubbles, turn the lights off and submerge myself to my nose. Tonight, being a little short on time, I left the lights on, left the bubbles out and only filled the tub a couple inches. As I stared down at myself (the worst angle to stare at a naked body for sure), I was surprised and gleeful about the fact that I approved of what I saw. Nothing has changed, I've not started a new diet or exercise plan, and wasn't even in a particularly good mood. I was just satisfied, and a little proud. My skin is soft and even, my legs and arms are long. My shape is feminine, and my body is strong.

After suffering a back injury a little over a year ago, I discovered what it was like to not be able to rely on my body. I had always hated how it looked, but had taken for granted the fact that I had always been in possession of a young, healthy, strong body. I relied on it to take me where I wanted to go, stand for long hours, keep me moving, and it had never let me down. When going grocery shopping sparked anxiety, I had to face the fact that I couldn't rely on my body, and didn't know when or if I would be able to trust it again. My focus shifted from hating how I looked to hating how I felt, and to nurturing my body, and praying that I would feel better again. In the midst of all of this, I got married. Unlike other brides, I wasn't physically able to undergo "bridal bootcamp", nor did I have the energy to care about how I looked in my dress, I just wanted to be able to stand at the altar without pain. Thanks to physical therapy, and to my sheer delight, not only was I able to stand and dance at my wedding, but I also felt beautiful in my dress. I braved a bikini for the first time in my life on my honeymoon, and since the wedding, I have tried to avoid negative thoughts when I look in the mirror, and be thankful that my pain has subsided and the worst seems to be behind me. And today, in the bath, I realized that without conscious thought I am finally able to like what I see, and be gratetful for what I have.

I have wasted too much time obsessing over my body, and have spent hardly any time celebrating it. I've reached an age where my body is as good as its going to get, so I better enjoy what I've got while I have it:) And seriously, am I still holding on to feelings I had 18 years ago? I've come a long way since then, and plan to look and feel fabulous from here on out:)

Posted by Mrs. Sweatpants

Transitions

My love life is in that transitory long-term-relationship-to-freshly-single phase, and it’s caused me to re-discover some of the joys and pitfalls of single life.  Thus, I decided to expand upon a couple of topics from my Single Lady Armor post.

First, one of the joys.  Letting attractive men flirt with you.  This has been a big mindset shift for me in the last few weeks.  When I’m in a relationship and attractive men flirt with me, I (generally) either let them know that I am unavailable or cut the flirting short before it gets inappropriate.  My ex-boyfriend was very jealous, and I am prone to feeling guilty, so I (generally) tried to be extra good about this while I was with him

In the last few weeks, I've caught myself still feeling guilty when men talk to me, and I have to remind myself that it’s ok.  I am allowed to talk to attractive men.  I am allowed to flirt and smile and laugh at their jokes.  I am allowed to lean in close and touch their arm, and I’m allowed to go on dates.  It’s very refreshing.

Second, one of the pitfalls.  Doing your hair and make up when you go out and always smelling good.  I fall victim to letting certain appearance-related activities fall by the wayside when I am in long-term relationships.  My internal monologue runs like this:

“It takes forever to wash and dry my hair. I had better get in the shower soon.”

Check the clock.

“Shit! Is it that late already?”

Calculating how much time I need to get ready versus when I need to be at the bus stop.

“I’m probably not going to see Boyfriend tonight.  I’m not trying to impress anyone else.  Maybe I could get away with not washing and drying my hair?  It doesn’t look too greasy.”

Recalculating how much time I need to get ready.

“I could save even more time if I didn’t get my body all wet in the shower.  I don’t smell that bad.  I didn’t get too sweaty today.  I’ll just pile on the deodorant and perfume.”

Calculating for the third time…

“Perfect!  That leaves me just enough time to get dressed, put my purse together, and stop at the liquor store on the way to the bus!”

Presto.  No shower for Dr. Sweatpants.

Now that I’m single, and it’s possible to run into my Ex (or those attractive men that I mentioned earlier), I feel compelled to bathe more often before leaving the house.  I don’t always act on the compulsion, but I certainly give it more thought than I did a month ago.

Posted by Dr. Sweatpants

A Married Lady’s Rant…

I just got married, but that’s the only thing that has changed about me. I’m still the same person I was when I was single. I resent society, the media, and even my friends and family for the misconceptions and assumptions that have made about me…

To my current employer and future employers…

My husband’s knowledge of, approval of, or feelings about my work schedule are none of your business, and it is COMPLETELY inappropriate and SO 50 years ago of you to even bring it up.

To my single ladies…

The “you’re so lucky you’re married” comments are getting old. Hi, remember me? I’m your once ALSO single friend. I know what you are going through, because I also went through it. Let me be there for you. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to ask what I’m going through. There’s more to marriage than regular sex and anniversaries. I didn’t take your opportunity to find love away from you when I got married. Let’s celebrate each other’s lives, instead of breaking each other down.

To mothers, grandmothers, sisters, uncles, and in-laws…

We will have a baby nine months after we conceive. The glass of wine in my hand is also a good indicator.

To the haters…

The rock on my finger is not a man repellent, a leash, a blood diamond, or an antiquated symbol set on keeping women in their “place.” It is however, a good indicator of my husband’s income and his, ahem, other endowments, and it was a gift, for that I am grateful.

To single men…

I love my husband, am very happy, and will not cheat on him. That being said, feel free to flirt with me every now and then. Consider it practice.

To my sisters…

You haven’t lost me. I’m still your sister.

To the media and society at large…

Then, it wasn’t about the ring, the dress, or the centerpieces. Now, it’s not about the china patterns, the house, the lawn, the bank account, my waistline, or his cholesterol. We love each other.

To the other married ladies…

Stop with the competition. Help us newbies out, show us the way. We know about your fancy cars, your homes in the suburbs, and your precious dogs and babies. We want to know about the fights, the debt, the sleepless nights, and the squeaky closet door, or at least that you’re still human.

Posted by Mrs. Sweatpants

The Diva We Call Communication

Communication is a bitch. When my husband and I first met, we didn’t know anything about each other, and there was a lot of miscommunication or non-communication. My girlfriends were usually left with the task of interpreting his words or behavior, and helping me decide how to handle it. Now, 7 months into marriage, we think we know everything about each other, and as a result, there is a lot of under-communication and over-communication. There are times when we can talk for days, and still not end up on the same page. Other times, an eyebrow raise or sniffle can erupt into World War III.  On the flip side, a simple “you look beautiful” or a good morning kiss can speak volumes. And sometimes after 3 days of analyzing every last syllable, the only way to resolve an argument is to stop talking and cuddle on the couch.

I have come to realize that our individual emotional states can drastically affect how we give and receive messages. If I’m in a good mood, feeling loved, productive and secure, I will smile more and probably give my partner more affection. If he is overstressed, tired and watching a basketball game, my affection can be interpreted as needy and nagging. If I’m depressed, tired, and doing the dishes, and he leans over the sink to give me a kiss, I might swat him away like a fly and be annoyed that he left a ring on the coffee table. That’s why sex is always so great on vacation, because both partners are well rested, not distracted, well fed, and relaxed!

When we are at our communication best, it is when we are honest and direct with each other. We do not place blame on the other person, and we are sensitive to our partner’s feelings and choose our words accordingly. Keeping our emotions in check and staying in a “mature” place also allows us to put ourselves in each other’s shoes in order to better receive each other’s messages.  

Communicating this way on a daily basis takes a lot of work, and it is all too easy to slip into immature patterns like passive aggressive behavior, silent treatments, shouting matches, and pouting. Understanding each other can also be extremely difficult when we don’t share a brain. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is see his point of view, listen to what he is saying, or admit that I am wrong.  It’s during these times that the best thing I can do is shut my mouth and open my ears and heart. Cheesy, I know,  but it works.  


Posted by Mrs. Sweatpants