When is it time to take a break?

If ever there was a loaded question, this one is it.  How do you decide?  More importantly, how do you decide without devastating someone you love?  Or yourself?

When emotions are running high and you feel like you’ve reached your breaking point, it seems impossible that your relationship will ever work out in the long run.  When things have cooled off and you’re laughing in bed together, you think “How can I give this up?” 

Furthermore, it’s hard to reconcile what makes sense when you’re talking to your friends with how you feel when you’re with the person you love.  When you think about it rationally, everything is a mess.  There are too many issues to sort out, and change is hard to maintain.  The best thing is to take a break and see how you feel about each other in a few weeks.  But then…

Then, you’re making breakfast together and laughing about that time he dumped a giant pan of chick peas and corn all over the kitchen floor.  Can you ever use that pan and not think about him?

What’s worse is when you’re not on the same page about needing a break.  When you feel it would be good for both of you, but he can’t imagine his life without you.  But when you sit and think about it, do you really want him out of your life?

And what about all the compromises and promises?  Do you throw away all the effort you put into those compromises?  Do you turn your back on someone that’s promising to change?  Do you walk away from something that has the potential to be great?

Speaking of great things, what about the qualities you love about your partner?  His sweetness, his kindness, his humor, his passion for you, his beautiful eyes.  Can those things overcome all the other things that don’t work?  The trust issues, the jealousy, the life style differences.

At some point, you have to think that it’s just you.  You made too many mistakes.  You’re too careful with your emotions.  You think too much.  You put up with too much crap before getting angry.  You’re asking another person to change too much.  You see situations for what they can be but not for what they are.  You have no faith.

That last one is the hardest to admit.  What do you do when you want your relationship to work, you truly want both parties to be happy, but you still have nagging doubts in the back of your mind?  There are a lot of things I question, but one thing I am certain of is that both people need to be 100% committed to make a relationship work and to make both people in that relationship happy.   

So what’s the decision?  When do you take a break?  I still don’t know.  But I think I’m done asking questions.

Posted by Dr. Sweatpants