The Diva We Call Communication

Communication is a bitch. When my husband and I first met, we didn’t know anything about each other, and there was a lot of miscommunication or non-communication. My girlfriends were usually left with the task of interpreting his words or behavior, and helping me decide how to handle it. Now, 7 months into marriage, we think we know everything about each other, and as a result, there is a lot of under-communication and over-communication. There are times when we can talk for days, and still not end up on the same page. Other times, an eyebrow raise or sniffle can erupt into World War III.  On the flip side, a simple “you look beautiful” or a good morning kiss can speak volumes. And sometimes after 3 days of analyzing every last syllable, the only way to resolve an argument is to stop talking and cuddle on the couch.

I have come to realize that our individual emotional states can drastically affect how we give and receive messages. If I’m in a good mood, feeling loved, productive and secure, I will smile more and probably give my partner more affection. If he is overstressed, tired and watching a basketball game, my affection can be interpreted as needy and nagging. If I’m depressed, tired, and doing the dishes, and he leans over the sink to give me a kiss, I might swat him away like a fly and be annoyed that he left a ring on the coffee table. That’s why sex is always so great on vacation, because both partners are well rested, not distracted, well fed, and relaxed!

When we are at our communication best, it is when we are honest and direct with each other. We do not place blame on the other person, and we are sensitive to our partner’s feelings and choose our words accordingly. Keeping our emotions in check and staying in a “mature” place also allows us to put ourselves in each other’s shoes in order to better receive each other’s messages.  

Communicating this way on a daily basis takes a lot of work, and it is all too easy to slip into immature patterns like passive aggressive behavior, silent treatments, shouting matches, and pouting. Understanding each other can also be extremely difficult when we don’t share a brain. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is see his point of view, listen to what he is saying, or admit that I am wrong.  It’s during these times that the best thing I can do is shut my mouth and open my ears and heart. Cheesy, I know,  but it works.  


Posted by Mrs. Sweatpants