So you’re under 25, just landed a server job, and there are so many cute guys in the kitchen. Working in the food industry has led me to discover that there is a sexual undercurrent that drives social interactions, workplace politics, as well as staff turnover. Usually, a whole new staff will emerge after the old one has had all the fun with each other that they can. The first to go unfortunately is usually the girl whose heart gets broken. She is crushed and embarrassed because she has come to find out that the guy she thought she liked has slept with the girl everyone likes and worse yet, EVERYONE knows. She quickly finds a new job, and leaves quietly. She is then replaced by a new wide eyed girl, and the cycle continues. While I’m sure this sort of thing exists outside of the restaurant industry, I feel that it is concentrated in kitchens since the job descriptions attract very young, adrenaline driven individuals who have no intention of staying in that job for any substantial amount of time. Having observed the same scenario play out over and over, I have decided it’s time for me to speak up. I’m tired of watching young girls be used and abused, and I’m not even going to blame the men. I’m speaking to the ladies, both the heartbreakers and the broken hearted. This is not high school, or even college. This is the real world, and it’s a bit rough around the edges. You are in charge of your sexual and emotional well being. I’ve laid out a few guidelines, entitled “Fresh Meat: A Pocket Guide for Young Single Ladies Entering the Workforce”. Feel free to print out a copy to keep in your pocket at work.
Rule #1: Don’t sleep with your co-workers. If you have successfully followed Rule #1, congratulate yourself, and pass this rule onto your friends. If you have, or are considering violating Rule #1, proceed to Rule #2.
Rule #2: Use a condom. I can’t believe I even have to say this, but it seems I do. It’s 2011, and we know what’s out there, and we know how not to get it. Chances are, you are last in a long line of other co-workers, and who knows who else. If he’s a cook, while charming, he doesn’t have health insurance, he’s probably been exposed to needles (tattoo or otherwise), he abuses alcohol, and perhaps other substances, and is not highly selective of his sexual partners. You don’t want his baby or his gonorrhea.
Rule #3: Regardless if you followed rule #2 or not, get yourself tested, regularly. Test yourself every six months, and especially with every new partner. There are clinics, they are free. Do it.
Rule #4: When considering the “let’s keep this open” option, review Rules 1-3. Then ask yourself why the an open relationship on the table. Is it because you secretly know he’s not “the one”, and you want to keep yourself available for Mr. Right? If so, ditch Mr. Open. Is it because you’re afraid he’ll drop you like a hot sauté pan if you bring up the dreaded exclusive conversation? If so, ditch Mr. Open. Or do you genuinely relish in the carefree world of singlehood and polyamory? If so, establish ground rules.
Rule #5: If, somewhere down the line, you change your mind about the “open option”, SPEAK UP! Tell him as soon as you think it. Your emotions are now officially involved, and you will be hurt the next time he even looks at another girl. He needs to know this before you hate him for doing exactly what you previously agreed was OK. If you want exclusivity, and he doesn’t, at least you found out the easy way, not the hard way. If he doesn’t, and you do, ditch him.
Rule #6: So, you’re on job 4 or 5, getting tired of the co-worker thing, and searching for, dare I say it, a boyfriend. See rule #1. Then put on your classiest dress, head to an expensive bar, and find yourself an investment banker, a medical or law student (or better yet a doctor or a lawyer), or a finance guy. Look him in the eye, show him you are intelligent, exude confidence, and give him your number. Wait for him to call, make him take you to dinner AND pay. Demand respect, invest in him on an intellectual level, and I guarantee he’ll call again and send you flowers. And you deserve it.
Submitted by Mrs. Sweatpants
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